Not blogged for a while so this one is going to be a bit of a mixed bag.
I’ve not trained for a week and a half as I’ve been tearing out and replacing the bathroom in my house. Between the sawing, pulling, tiling, hammering and plumbing, I feel I’ve not completely neglected myself physically though. I have however lived almost exclusively off convenience food and crap for just over a week, which has been nice but not exactly healthy.
Anyway the project is finished now and last night I hit crossfit class at the FitnessZoo to make a training comeback. It was a good class, mostly full body/compound strength moves on a circuit, top and tailed with two ‘challenges’. The first one was killer:
Hanging knee raise
Hanging toes to bar
Overhand pull up
Overhand chest-to-bar pull up
Underhand pull up
All without touching the floor between reps. 10 Rounds.
Back at the ‘Zoo tonight for Tough Mudder bootcamp which will inevitably be a good mix of strength, core and cardio work for an hour. From there I’m planning on getting back to running on Wednesday and probably for the rest of the week. I need to get my stamina and cardio levels up, plus I really need to shed some of my lingering flab and in past experience, running certainly helps. I’m feeling quite motivated about training again, which is good as for the last few weeks previous that’s not been the case. Which leads me to…
Bloody hell I’ve been feeling depressed recently. Not so much the last week or so, but before that I’d been another powder keg of anxiety ready to explode or worse, drag me down in to a depressed state. I don’t know where the vicious circle begins or ends sometimes and I didn’t really see this bout coming, but I do think I took some action before it got too bad. I had gotten to a point where my thoughts were wandering to some dark places, the depths of which I have previously never considered. I felt helpless, anxious, and worthless and like my life was spiralling out of control. It felt like the burden of daily existence was too much to cope with and I began to withdraw into myself. Communicating with anyone beyond a superficial level was exhausting and resulted in me lashing out (verbally) at loved ones. Putting on my ‘happy face’ for work, socialising or even just doing the shopping or going to the gym was a bind. I yearn for a T-Shirt or badge that says; ‘I’m depressed, no I can’t help it, sorry if I’m being a dick, please leave me alone.’ to wear on days like that.
Although I didn’t really see the triggers this time, I could foresee where I was potentially heading so spoke to a few select people about it and went to see my GP. The GP was very good and understanding and prescribed me a slight increase in medication and set up a review for two weeks. She gave me details of the local mental health crisis team and all the usual practical advice. I’ve not had to contact anyone since, but I think the actual act of acknowledging how low I was getting some help was enough to help me out of a hole. That was a month ago now and I have another review with my doctor today.
I’m glad to say that I think in the last week or so I’ve managed to pull myself around. To be honest despite the anxiety of plumbing, leaks and tiling, having the bathroom project to do was exhausting but a good way to occupy myself and have some practical purpose. I think its helped get me out of my depression and get back to appreciating my many blessings more. I’m by no means on top of the world but things are certainly looking and feeling a lot more positive. Hope it stays that way for as long as possible.
So now I’m fairly happy again I find my motivation is returning, I’m going to refocus on my training and more importantly eating clean. No more snacking, beers or excessive amount of cheat meals for hopefully a few months at least, should get me back on track.
Finally, I think my beard is looking good, which is always nice. So until next time people, eat clean, train mean, get lean and be happy. Cheers.